i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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