Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Bring me that man meat
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
