I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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