I heard we made out
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
