walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize