By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
