the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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