im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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