when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
