gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize