i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
