Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
