I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
