all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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