Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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