Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
