Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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