He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
