Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
