He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
