i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
