We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
