He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
