His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
