I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
