jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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