New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
