Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
