If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I currently don't understand fingers.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
