I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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