just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
