He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
