I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need to align my fucking chakras
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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