mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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