i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
