two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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