Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
