I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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