i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
