Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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