College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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