At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
