This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
