Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
