Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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