I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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