My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am naked and annoyed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize