I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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