I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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