hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
