so explain again why im purple
no
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
