so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
