Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
