youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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