The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
