Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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