i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
