If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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