I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
