At least make sure they are 18
Why
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
