apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
