Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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