Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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